Category Archives: ASK ROGAN

I HOPE I NEVR SEE U AGAIN

By | ASK ROGAN | 3 Comments

WHY DO I GET SO SCRED

WHEN I THINK OF SEEING U AGAIN

WHY DO I STILL FKIN CARE

DNT ANSWR THAT

I KNOW WHY I WONT ADMIT IT CAUSE

TO DO THAT IS TO PLY A DANGEROUS GAME OF TRUTH OR DARE

EITHER WAY SHE WINS

WE LOOSE

IM THE FOOL

YOUR THE VICTIM

AND WE’RE JUST FKIN CRUEL

I KNOW THAT NOW

ARE YOU STIL PLAYING DUMB

OR ADMIT TO IT TOO

WHAT YOU DO

WHAT THE FK

THIS HURTS SO FKIN MUCH

WHY DO I STILL EVEN LOVE YOU

BECAUSE YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL

YOU HIDE THAT FROM EVERYONE ELSE SO WHY SHOW ME

THEN CHOOSE THAT BITCH TINA

WHY COULDNT SHE JUST STAY MATES WITH NANCY

WHY DID YOU LET THAT GUY PIN YOU

THAT VICIOUS DNACE

I REMEMBER WHEN I LET YOU PIN ME

I REMEMBER WHEN I MADE YOU INTRODUCE US

YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW IM CRAZY

BECAUSE I FELT CLOSE TO YOU WHEN YOU STUCK THAT NEEDLE IN MY ARM

I DIDNT KNOW HWY YOU HAD TO HIDE IT FORM ME

I THOUGHT THIS COULD BE FUN

YOU SAID YOU WERE TRYING TO PROTECT ME

WE DIDNT FAIL

OR MAYBE I FAILED YOU

I LIVE WITH MY GUILT

I LIVE WITH THAT PAIN TOO

I DIDNT GIVE UP ON YOU

I DIDNT GIVE UP ON LOVE

I HAD TO GIVE UP ON HOPE

THAT CRUEL CONCEPT THAT THEY TEACH US IS TRUE

THAT I COULD BE UR MAN

THAT I COULD SAVE YOU

THAT YOU COULD BE MY BOY

THAT YOU COULD CHOOSE ME

RETEACH MYSELF TO SEE THROUGH MY HEAD NOT MY EYES

RETEACH MYESLF THAT TO BE HAPPY IS GOODBYE

SHE DOESNT DO REALITY

SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU OR ME

SHE DOESNT DO REASON

I GAVE YOU 4 YRS

I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I COULD

I KNOW YOU LOVE ME

DO YOU KNOW IM CRYING AS I WRITE THIS

MADE MYSELF LET HATE IN

MADE MYSELF LET ANGER FILL ME

NO ONE UNDERSTOOD ME

I COULDNT EXPLAIN IT TO THEM

THEY WERE DEAF

I WAS ALONE

I LEARNT TO HUG MY PILLOW FOR AFFECTION

I FLET LIKE A TRIGGER

AND THE STUPID THING IS I STARTED USING AFETR YOU LEFT

YOU DIDNT PROTECT ME FRM SHIT

OR WAS THAT A LIE TOO

WERE YOU JUST ASHMED

ONLY U KNOW WHAT KIND OF DARK YOU WENT THROUGH

DO U FINALLY REALISE THATS WHAT KILLED ME

THE LIES NOT THE ADDICTION

WHY DO I GET SO SCRED

WHEN I THINK OF SEEING U    

I found a new man who’s more than incredible

Who’s teaching me to love again

Who’s showing me what I could have if I chose to leave you.

I KNOW IVE BEEN SELFISH

I KNOW I TRAETED U LIKE SHIT

I KNOW I WILL ALWAYS HATE ME FOR WHAT I DID

I KNOW I WILL ALWAYS LIVE WITH THE WHAT IF

FILTERED INTO GUILT

But how are you

Do you try to kill yourself

Cause i know you feel the same

And your not as stubborn as me

But i know your stronger than this stupid game

I hope you find a reason

I hope you get your beautiful smile back

And find someone like I have who can rebuild you

To love and protect you

To help you stay on track

AND I FKIN HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU

SEEING YOU HAPPY, WELL, WITH ANOTHER MAN

CAUSE THAT WOULD TEAR ME APART

IN NEW WAYS OF HURT AND HELL

SO I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN

a poem by me, about him.

My ensuing riposte to this obdurate exogenous attack on the vicissitudes of my life choices!

By | ASK ROGAN | No Comments

what he said;

what I said;

I’m an advocate for not self-shaming and if you truly love yourself and accept yourself for who you are that’s amazing now you need to try and do the same for others or your just an egomaniac like all the other self-centered assholes out there. I might not agree with other people’s choices but I respect them to make their own choices and do what they chose to be happy. I expect others to do the same to me. Sure, if I didn’t have a ring in my dick I couldn’t tear it out. But it was purely an accident and if I want to be actively negative about it I could start blaming the decision to have Chem sex or wear leather. But why would you adhere to “what if’s” they are non-productive and will only lead to self-doubt and pain. If you’re naive enough to blame my lifestyle and passions for the damage I had done, your very closed-minded and obviously have an agenda. I have absolutely no regrets, just a few FKIN mistakes. None of which have anything to do with my piercings, ink, bodybuilding or way I choose to live my life.

COCK UPDATE

By | ASK ROGAN, SHOP | 2 Comments

SHOP PAGE

Firstly I have to say any previously sold items (customers waiting for items!) or sales made this point onwards from my SHOP PAGE will be delayed till I have recovered from surgery. I appreciate your patience and support during this terrible experience. I have emailed all existing customers and I acknowledge two of you especially have been waiting for your items for a ridiculous amount of time! (G and T, you know who you are and I am so sorry.)

COCK SURGERY

Ok, so here’s what’s been happening, I saw a Urologist as soon as I got back to Melbourne, who reassured me the tear wasn’t as bad as he initially thought it was going to be. As he (and I, because until that moment I hadn’t been able to bring myself to have a thorough look at the wound, ie. pull my foreskin back and physically open the gaping wound… I mean I tried once and saw white muscle stuff in the hole and got completely freaked out, had an overwhelming sense of frustration that made me wanna cry and scream at the same time) thought the tear was from hole to hole. My natural urethra hole to the piercing hole. But as it was, I think the (horseshoe) ring must have slid through my cock so that 3 quarters of the ring was outside the piercing with a quarter still inside the bottom hole, the pierced hole. So that when the 3 quarters got attached to the guys harness it tore the quarter that was still in my cock out just tearing a huge hole in the bottom of my cock.

So, I was told I could get operated on as quickly as the next day. But he wanted to get a second opinion from a specialist, as it was possible that it needed extra surgery, for me to go under local anesthetic, so there won’t be complications with my cock in the future and its normal functions.  The second specialist also said he could operate the same day he saw me for the consultation but once I was on his bed and he looked at the wound he saw that it was, in fact, worse than he had initially thought and that I would need intensive surgery.

So that is where we are at now guys, I have a third consultation with a third specialist this coming Tuesday. As I posted on my Twitter page I feel like I’m going around in circles with these consultations and posts, one moment I’m ok and going into surgery the next I’m not and have to wait for further consultations. So I’m going to take a page outta Ripley’s book “…last survivor of the Nostromo. Signing off.” Skip the sequels and come back to you with Ressurection!

I want to say a MASSIVE THNKA YOU to all the messages I have received from people around the world giving their encouragement and support. It’s FKIN incredible the moving messages I have received.

And to be totally cheeky and the opportunist that I am, don’t forget if you feel REALLY SORRY for me you can get me something from my  Amazon Wishlist as it will get to me now that I’m grounded in Australia! There’s nothing on there at the moment that revolves around my dick.

Lonely

By | ASK ROGAN | 2 Comments

I found this article I wrote a while back and didn’t post. I’m not too sure why I hesitated? Maybe I didn’t want to seem vulnerable? I guess having a huge rip in my cock has put things into a different perspective. I often have felt really lonely in my life and I know a lot of you feel this way too and this was my attempt to try and write something about that feeling, to tell you we all feel that way and that maybe it’s not the worse thing to happen to you like maybe a hole in your dick would be considered worse.

Lonely…

I’m guessing you would be pretty surprised that I have always felt alone since I was a teenager. Don’t get me wrong I am so lucky to say I have an amazing group of friends that I know will always be there for me and a KIKASS family that, though we may not have always seen eye to eye, and who I treated like shit for a rebellious phase of my life when I was accepting my sexuality, would do anything for me and vice versa. But you know how they say you can be in a room full of people and feel completely alone. Well, that is true as well even if those people all love you and you love them back. I mean at the end of the day we are all fundamentally alone. They have their own lives and shit to deal with as do you.

 

For some people like myself, we make it even harder on ourselves to feel included in this merry-go-ride called life because we chose to dance to a different beat and talk to a truth that is too blunt to most people who misunderstand you as being rude. Look, I can only speak for myself and wouldn’t ever claim I know your life, but I have found that being even slightly different makes you slightly alienated from the crowd around you. So, I have a billion guys messaging me saying they want me to destroy their asses but come on, that’s not real. Mostly its fantasy and even if not it’s still not substantial. Yeah it FKIN feels great to be globally worshipped and I have been surprised and humbled by my followers and how amazing they are and how they have moved or touched me in a positive way as I have them. But after you put down your phone or shut your laptop you are swallowed by a very real loneliness.

 

It’s hard for me to verbalize this but then it’s hard for me to admit it. But I don’t think this feeling of isolation is necessarily something you should feel ashamed of. It’s just life. I remember as a teenager, riding my bike around the neighborhood I grew up in, as the sun was setting, and I would look into people’s houses wondering who was living in them and if there was someone in there that would be my friend. I can still remember that sense of feeling forlorn but also hopeful that one day a boy would walk out a front door, looking like a young Scott Weinger, see me and nod and we would become best friends.  I remember watching films like, Licence To Drive, or, Gleaming the Cube, over and over again and every time as the credits rolled feeling so FKIN sad that I wasn’t a character in those films or that I didn’t have those characters as friends in my life.

 

Ok, we’re delving really deep into a dark part of what I have referred to before as my depression as a teenager, but it wasn’t all horrible because no matter how desperate I felt I always felt hope. Cut forward 30 years and I no longer feel desperate when I watch 80s films and I haven’t got arrested from driving around looking into people’s houses, as I no longer do that. But I can still feel like a loner. I have had to create my career and brand on my own (with many KIKASS collaborations with artists and peers along the way!) BUT it doesn’t matter how many people I worked with at the end of the day I was alone always fighting battles with glorious ups and devastating downs. And I can honestly say most of the time I try to strive forward life has kept hitting me backward, and it is all I can do to stay standing and keep my motivation and determination to continue trying to move forward, but forever feeling like I’m standing in the one spot.

 

I don’t know how much of this is self-inflicted or in my head, but it took years for me to be respected as a porn actor in Australia by the general public and I still feel like I am not by the industry or much of the gay community. Or at least shunned. Seeing clubs spend thousands exporting porn stars to come here and tour them and never once approaching me.

 

Hopefully, I didn’t sound like an insolent brat. Now if I feel this, me! Alpha-God-King, Rogan Muscle-Gorilla Richards! Role model and icon for many a gay man or dirty sex pig, imagine how lonely that guy feels who doesn’t have social media blowing smoke up his ass 24/7. It definitely humbles me and makes me feel wanted and needed. But to the guy that has none of that, I guess what I am trying to say, (maybe, I really have no FKIN idea, I just started writing this and it projectile vomited out onto my computer screen) is if you feel alone it’s ok. I do too. Most of us do. I just do me. I succeed. I fail. I have a stupendous time trying and I have a horrendous time failing. And I have learnt it’s ok to feel alone. And if not use that hurt to inspire you to be the best badass version of you that will show ‘them’ how great you are. I can’t tell you how many times I have used this way of thinking to inspire me to be me.

 

And if being different or being true to yourself increases that loneliness, well FK it! I’d rather be me and alone than fake and within a group of people, I don’t actually care about or care about me. Maybe Disney brainwashed us into thinking we all need a prince charming, a genie or a FKIN destiny to be great and adored. But really, we just need ourselves, and to make our own miracles and to live out something less than being a king or swapping our fins for true love. Seriously, I’d be like, “Learn how to scuba dive mother FKR!”

 

*Notes

Is there a difference from being lonely and being on your own?

Using drugs to escape being lonely or to need drugs to have a connection with other people (Chem sex).

Some people think you have to be alone to discover who you are, I honestly do not agree with that and have learnt most things about myself through the interactions with my friends, family and more so, lovers.

 

 

 

The choices we make.

By | ASK ROGAN | No Comments

I believe we create our own reality. Our life is the product of the choices we make and the responses we have to what other people do to us. Last night my Prince Albert was ripped out of my cock. Now there is a huge tear in the head of my penis from my urethral opening to the base of the head. I had three different options to film with three different guys last night and if I had made a different choice I most possibly wouldn’t be writing this post today.

The first was a muscle Asian pup I found on Grindr who was a huge fan. The second was a guy I had met years ago to film but when I arrived at the guy’s hotel I could tell he wasn’t very comfortable with filming and I just had to leave. Let’s call him the mistake. The third was a guy I had already filmed with in La Vida Loca. He couldn’t meet till later in the night and as I had suspicions that the Asian kid was fake I thought I’d meet him earlier then go to Viva’s. That way if he was fake it didn’t matter, I would still be filming. Why did I think he was fake? Because of the number of text messages he was sending me since we made contact. Stuff like “I want you to cum in my mouth and my ass and piss in me, stand on your head and juggle five rabbits with your feet”, the number of requests and questions he had was equal to a German client! Those guys have no separation from fantasy and reality. And yes, I get that hiring an escort is to fulfill a fantasy but we are still just humans and not computers that you choose buttons that provide every single fantasy you’ve ever had condensed into one hour. The fantasy is we show up, get hard, and do our job. Anyway, guys who text as much as this kid was are usually fake.

So when the mistake started texting me I made the decision to not meet the Asian kid and turn up to the mistakes place where his boyfriend would film us and join in. In hindsight I know now I should have just waited and gone straight to Viva’s, I knew it would be a guaranteed hot shoot but I was being greedy and thought I could fit in two films in the one night. So we all decide to take some chems during the session which makes mistake a little jumpy and erratic. This is a common reaction to chem use and he isn’t “that” bad yet where I need to tell him to calm down and I decide to wait to see if he calms down naturally instead of possibly making him feel self-conscious by bringing it to his attention. the boyfriend and I are fine, if anything, the complete opposite and mellow. So we throw our leather on and it is going good for the first 10-15 minutes when mistake leans forward on the bed to then fling himself backward, at the same time I must have stepped in closer to him…

It didn’t hurt I just felt something pull and looked down to see blood spraying everywhere and I knew straight away what had happened. The first thoughts that ran through my head were, “Fuck! I just got my dick working again!” And “I only had it for 4 months and my piercings gone!” I grabbed my cock and ran to the toilet and straddled it. The boys gave me an ice pack and towel to put on it as I struggled to stay conscious and not pass out.

The rest is history. All I can say if it happens to you and you end up at the hospital they can’t operate on it right there and then cause If they do the scar tissue would close up the urethra tube. I was given antibiotics, pain killers and Ural. They made me piss to make sure I still could, which made me terrified remembering how much that stung from when I pissed after getting the PA. I could pee so I was sent home. I now have to wait till it heals then book in with a Urologist to make it look less Frankenstein and more Playboy Bunny.

So that’s where we are at guys. It was an accident but did I make the wrong choice to cause it? Regardless I have a rip though my cock as I write this. In the end, I can blame myself for the decision I made or I can put it all down to chance. How we react or respond to what life throws at us is what defines us as a human. This could easily trigger my depression, I could become resentful or bitter at the world around me or try and escape this fucked up reality with drugs or alcohol, as my go-to choice of escape, being sex, isn’t a viable option. But I won’t. I read it might take up to 8-12 weeks for my injury to heal fully and I am going to use that time to be as productive as I can and dive into projects I have been wanting to do for my website. And mostly concentrate on my bodybuilding. I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. I have an amazing career, KIKASS followers, loving friends and family, and a supportive boyfriend who continues to amaze me at how incredible he is.

DISCLAIMER
I do not endorse or glorify chem sex or drug use and if anything this story shows the negative effects using chems during sex can cause. It is a personal choice you make for yourself knowing the negative impact it can have on your life. There’s that ‘choice’ word again. I know a lot of people don’t believe anyone can be a functional user. Except for people using it and trying to not feel bad about it. As a sex worker chem sex became unavoidable in 2016-17 but I can tell you now that there is a huge change within some of the gay community in 2019-20 where people now refuse to use chems, or Tina precisely. Unfortunately, G seems to be as popular as ever and though it doesn’t cause addiction it does cause death. I for one can’t fkin stand G. And it does nothing for me sexually. If your big enough to use chems be man enough to research what you’re using, the effects, dangers and especially dosages and administration.