Boom warned me that I would regret being so open about me and Skippy’s relationship, that it would come back and bite me in the butt. I guess there was always going to be one of two outcomes, I would stick by him against all diversity, when everyone else had given up, and he would come back to me, proving everyone wrong and that true love will always prevail!
What FKED up Disney film did I get stuck in? I’m sure true love exists out there on some level of reality but after fighting for this man for over 2 years I can tell you love (as true as it comes) has NO PLACE in addiction.
So the second outcome is the one I am dealing with, the one where my heart is broken and I look like a complete FKIN fool. I know most of you would commend not condemn me for sticking by him but honestly, if your partner becomes an active addict leave them. There is no hope for you and your partner while they are married to their addiction. None.
I have been very alone for the last 2 years loving this man. Waiting for my best friend, my training partner and my lover to come back to me. Waiting for us to be in the relationship we both so desperately wanted to be in. It’s been really FKIN hard and it had started getting to the point where it was taking its toll on me. Personally, professionally and emotionally.
I know that “relapses” can be a reality for an addict. But if they are too close together all that does is continue to push you further apart from the man you are trying desperately to hold on to. And inevitably it will push you to the point of no return.
I have gotten so much positive feedback from my posts about my struggle with Skip’s addiction. Messages from non-users who were not aware of this plague, and users who never actually understood what it was like for their partners at the time. I think opening up and being so public about our fight has been worth it. Though I have been scared and vulnerable from being so open I think it has been important to speak up about this horrible FKIN epidemic in the gay community.
I still love Skip more than anything. I still believe in Skip and hope that he will find his way through this. And I can’t lie and say I don’t hope I’ll be there when he does. But I have to try and let go so I can properly get on with my life and learn to love again. I can’t even imagine what he’s going through right now, and it FKIN breaks my heart even more to have to leave him alone but I couldn’t continue like this.
If you are an addict get professional help.
If you are an addicts lover, support them and fight with them as long as you can. But if the addiction continues to win you will need to let go. Everyone’s gone through hell with a breakup but leaving someone when you both still love one another and want to be together, that’s just wrong. This disease is brutal. But even after everything that has happened I don’t think we failed, I think we were robbed of our chance.
I guess it’s me and the Mouse again…