Last year I mentally and emotionally hit rock bottom. My depression took over, the first time since I was a teenager. Depression can affect people in many different ways. To explain what it does to me, it immobilises my motivation and drive. For anything. I don’t want to die, but I can’t bring myself to live. I started meds last year for both depression and ADHD – which I had been very dangerously self medicating myself on meth to function. With massive help from my mum and my boy friend, @alexander_interrupted I managed to bring myself back to the daily grind of life and get my visa for Spain and my first home in 9 years.
Unfortunately this year has been really tough to find peace and allow myself to enjoy it. The relocation was not easy and is still dragging on. My depression, though not as intense keeps coming and going in patches. And I have accumulated a series of fucked up events that makes it hard to be optimistic. Then I go get a fkin puppy, who is fkin amazing! And the best dog ever! But realistically bad timing.
So if I haven’t responded to your DM, it’s because I haven’t opened them in months. I don’t remember what a sex app looks like? And I have not been keeping up with content on any of my platforms. I’m lucky if I get to the gym once a week! Aleluya for muscle memory! I think it’ll take the rest of this year for me to sort all the shit out but I am going to try and be present, post, create, occasionally still fuck! I’m gonna give the meds a real chance to do what they’re supposed to. And as they say there’s no such thing as a functional user, I am attempting to make decisions that keep me sober.
And I’m going to learn Spanish! anyone know a school or tutor that specialises in special needs students? Seriously, if Pumkin can get Caroline I can get this language.
Good to hear from you again. I was getting concerned. You’re not just a porn star to me. Yes, I think you are hot beyond description, but beyond the online persona you are a human being like the rest of us. As I have detailed in the past, I am a long-term survivor of HIV. While I survived thanks to medical advancements, I never let my hunger for the gym die. When I had to take breaks, I couldn’t wait to get back in the gym and hit the weights again. I think having that goal helped fuel my will to get back on track. Sharing my most intimate thoughts with you brings me great pleasure. Having the freedom to share myself with you so freely provides a sense of release for me. I have some really good friends around me in Tulsa, but I don’t share myself with them in the intimate way I do with you. At my age, I simply enjoy myself with an edible, my tit toys, and you. I do bottom and top, and have occasionally enjoyed fisting – again both top and bottom. However, anal play requires douching and then cleaning all my sex toys when playtime is over. Nipple play is so simple with practically no clean up. Plus, I do fucking love my big nipples on my muscular chest. I know others do to. But I digress – getting back to you. I am old enough to be your father, so here is some fatherly advice – TAKE YOUR MEDS AS PRESCRIBED. Meth can seriously get you off track from any goals and totally fuck up your life. NO TO METH. I want you around. Get back in the gym, at least three times a week. Have other goals, too. Keep going forward toward the goal post. I want you to be well.
Thanks tit daddy! I hear you about the gym being your rock, or foundation to always come back to or keep you on track. And of course smashing the gym means bigger pumped tits! I also think you and I are very in tune with what drives us sexually, physically and mentally. I see your comments on my posts. And I hear what you said here. I wont allow meth to derail me like Ive seen it do so many others. Thanks for having my back.
I know this year has been a hard one for you mentally and physically but you are a strong individual with great goals in mind and a bright future. Just keep putting one foot infront of the other. Its all we can do in life.
I know you will have dark days as we all do, we just have to keep striving for the light.
Appreciate the kind words mate.