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A poem by Rogan Richards


Of in the distance there’s a beautiful boy who’s broken

I am no longer the boy Tristan 

But I am not yet the man Rogan

I can finally write that poem you wanted when we were together 

Too late as always 

Too slow

When do I start paying attention 

All I know is I don’t know anything 

You challenged me to be a better man

You see things through your eyes no one else can

I saw this and it scared the fuck outta me

I knew this and I tried to allow it to make me 

The man you needed me to be

The man I wanted to be 

Is it easier that I cut you out 

Did I do you a favour 

Was I a lesson learnt

Will I be a fucked up memory 

A regret

A trigger 

A scar

Do you hate me now 

Have we fallen that far

Of in the distance a grown man is crying 

He’s not who he was and he’s not who he wants to be

Why couldn’t I write you a fucking poem

Pain inspires creativity

Or am I just repeating Skippy

Why did I struggle with honesty 

When I stand for truth

Why does this world make us so ashamed of who we are 

I don’t want to talk about it

It’s my first reaction

I never realised how much growing up had damaged me

Why did I hesitate to say I love you 

Why do I use distractions 

Is my career just an excuse for validations

I left us stranded between two worlds 

You left me with no other choice

The things you did were so fucked up and terrible 

The pain was so hard and unbearable

But still I want to find you and cuddle you 

I know you don’t have anyone 

And it kills me

I was older so I should have known better 

Why did I allow us to get so high

Even Hilary Duff couldn’t teach me 

Of what a relationship is meant to be

We were meant to be the cheeky girls

But you were right

I know

You know

I don’t know

No one knows

I wasn’t there to feature your insecurities 

You just wanted me to love you

I have never had the the purest joy and the cruelest pain

I never thought I would find another perfect man for me and fuck it up again

When did it become insane  

Why did you keep accusing me of those things 

Why did your mind turn you against me

I can’t defend myself from demons

It’s true we build our lives on fantasies 

I know you have the most beautiful eyes

I know you have the most genuine smile

I know your mind works differently to everyone else 

Its not a disability

People won’t understand you and that’s the crime

After all the pain we’ve been through 

After all you put me through 

You will always be my pleasure principle 

Of in the distance I wonder if a beautiful boy will read his poem

I’m not who I was and I don’t have a fucking clue where I’m going

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