A poem by Rogan Richards
Of in the distance there’s a beautiful boy who’s broken
I am no longer the boy Tristan
But I am not yet the man Rogan
I can finally write that poem you wanted when we were together
Too late as always
Too slow
When do I start paying attention
All I know is I don’t know anything
You challenged me to be a better man
You see things through your eyes no one else can
I saw this and it scared the fuck outta me
I knew this and I tried to allow it to make me
The man you needed me to be
The man I wanted to be
Is it easier that I cut you out
Did I do you a favour
Was I a lesson learnt
Will I be a fucked up memory
A regret
A trigger
A scar
Do you hate me now
Have we fallen that far
Of in the distance a grown man is crying
He’s not who he was and he’s not who he wants to be
Why couldn’t I write you a fucking poem
Pain inspires creativity
Or am I just repeating Skippy
Why did I struggle with honesty
When I stand for truth
Why does this world make us so ashamed of who we are
I don’t want to talk about it
It’s my first reaction
I never realised how much growing up had damaged me
Why did I hesitate to say I love you
Why do I use distractions
Is my career just an excuse for validations
I left us stranded between two worlds
You left me with no other choice
The things you did were so fucked up and terrible
The pain was so hard and unbearable
But still I want to find you and cuddle you
I know you don’t have anyone
And it kills me
I was older so I should have known better
Why did I allow us to get so high
Even Hilary Duff couldn’t teach me
Of what a relationship is meant to be
We were meant to be the cheeky girls
But you were right
I know
You know
I don’t know
No one knows
I wasn’t there to feature your insecurities
You just wanted me to love you
I have never had the the purest joy and the cruelest pain
I never thought I would find another perfect man for me and fuck it up again
When did it become insane
Why did you keep accusing me of those things
Why did your mind turn you against me
I can’t defend myself from demons
It’s true we build our lives on fantasies
I know you have the most beautiful eyes
I know you have the most genuine smile
I know your mind works differently to everyone else
Its not a disability
People won’t understand you and that’s the crime
After all the pain we’ve been through
After all you put me through
You will always be my pleasure principle
Of in the distance I wonder if a beautiful boy will read his poem
I’m not who I was and I don’t have a fucking clue where I’m going
