My brother calls me and literally says, “So… Everyone in London thinks you’re gonna off yourself!” Followed closely with, “I’m thinking to myself did I miss the signs?” The bloody twat can make the most depressing wet rag laugh.
I know a lot of you will reach out with supportive words as you always have and have always been greatly appreciated, even the amount of you that have taken the time to message and offered your personal support. Please know that just making this post has helped me greatly. I am not someone who finds it easy to talk about my depression. And they say talking to someone is the best thing you can do but you are usually met with typical encouraging words of being of strong will and mind and all the things you know you should be but the depression is stopping you from being, so their words end up being condescending and repetitive and less than helpful. BUT for me, making this post and talking to you guys makes it manifest from my mind into reality and I am forced to stand up and fight it ‘cause now have an audience which wakes the warrior in me! Hey I never said my mind isn’t fucked up. I also wanted to tell you guys why I have been vacant from social media and why several pages at my website are down, namely the shop page, cam vids & cust vids, because I have not been in a state of mind to perform those tasks. For the first time since my battle wit depression as a teenager, my usual weapons against depression didn’t work, namely bodybuilding and fucking. (Head-case!) And for the first time I am using anti-depressants. And therapy. And have the most supportive family and friends support. And I have to make a call out to Luara who has been my sister in arms for the last several years and Alex who has been quintessential in finding me and pulling me out of that dark place. His patience and support have been very tested, I was literally Linda Blair’ing the fuck outta him as if he was my priest. I can’t thank him, my family and friends and you guys enough.
Watch this come-back…
I’ve sat here and tried to think of something to say, but every time I try, it comes across as sounding condescending or like some cheesy fortune-cookie cliche, so all I’ll say is I am so glad to hear you had the support system and the internal strength to begin to pull yourself out of the dark place you were in and hope you get back on track and feeling better.
I appreciate you takin the time to message me mate. And its really hard to send encouragement to someone who is depressed without sounding condescending or cheesy, but the cat of making an effort needs no words and is all that I need to see to feel encouragement, so thank you. I am doing heaps better. THANK YOU to you and everyone who reached out to me with support. And more importantly those who reached out saying the post helped them not feel alone with their own battles.